The Linden Dissertation

“If your last name ends with a consonant, you don’t belong in the Cherry Business.”
-Sil Gandolfini
Chief Magistrate
California Cherry Board

People think that I hang out with Linden-Italians too much, but they are wrong.

There is a big difference between merely “Hanging out” and learning to respond to them aggressively.

This difference, in the Cherry Business, is the difference between SUCCESS and FAILURE.

If you listen to a Linden-Italian, and all you get is the jumble of disconnected information they impart; then you are doomed for a career of fear and confusion.

You will feel like Dorothy skipping through Oz:

“Spotted Winged Drosophila….Glossy Winged Sharpshooter….Tom Gotelli…Oh my”

The lesson I teach is simple, but must be learned.

Once, I was verbally accosted by a Linden-Italian.

David meets Goliath. PVW meets Colombini.

I threateningly ended the argument with

Colombini, when I take this company over, the first thing I will do is fire you”

Mind you, I was seven years old at the time.

Five minutes later, and some desperate negotiation on his part, I reconsidered because
A) He grows cherries
B) You don’t fire my Italian Consigliere

As Consigliere, he has the tough job of smoothing out my non-existent rough edges.

Also he has been charged with giving me perspective on the Cherry Underworld.

Turns out, the average Cherry season and Sopranos Season are quite similar.

Only, in the Cherry Business, there are more guns, less killing, equal time at strip clubs* with just enough cuckoldry and back-stabbing to make it exciting. Was that a run-on sentence?

Well, if we must run-on , I guess we shall.

Until next weeks fellas….

Yours in Christ,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *