“As the watering hole gets smaller, the animals get meaner.”- The DWR
A month ago, Lolo and I took part in the Great Migration.
No, we didn’t move to Texas like every other tax evading Californian.
What I’m talking about is the primal soap opera that takes place on the Serengeti Plains. What many call ‘The Greatest Show on Earth.’
The Great Migration describes the millions of wildebeest, gazelle, zebra and buffalo that make the circular hajj back and forth between Tanzania and Kenya every year.
Twenty four years ago, my dad and I witnessed the migration from the Kenyan side. The terrain was exactly as I remembered. Outcroppings that look like Pride Rock. Oceans of Savannah. Heart breaking sunsets.
The only difference was the Safari Jeeps were equipped with WIFI. I found this thoroughly distasteful because I feel like the most important part of a trip like this is to escape WIFI.
Our first stop was Migration Camp.
Situated along the Grumeti River, Migration Camp had great views of Africa’s 2nd most dangerous animal, The Hippo. (The mosquito is numero uno most peligroso)
Initially, game viewing here was tame. Lolo was recovering from Ngorongoro related altitude sickness, so we took it easy. I rolled solo on a few game drives. I saw a Topi fight and massive herds of Cape Buffalo, but nothing else to phone home about.
Dinner was punctuated by a surprise visit from a harmless, but terrifying looking cat called a Genet. Genet’s are about the size of a normal house cat and spotted like a leopard. When the Genet arrived, unannounced and uninvited, he begged for my Tandoori Chicken.
I don’t mind sharing with the Genet, in principle. I’m a generous man, but this Cat scared us so bad I became stingy and the tandoori remained destined for my stomach.
As we broke camp from Grumeti, our guide spotted a big male Leopard on the prowl.
“It’s hunting” he told us.
We stopped and watched through binoculars. Perfectly camouflaged he’d disappear, then reappear, then disappear and reappear, off and on for what felt like an eternity.
After an hour of watching him stalk, we heard grunting in the distance.
A sounder of Warthog manifested between our jeep and the leopard.
I braced myself.
Pumba was about to get murked.
Minutes passed. Nothing happened. The Leopard ignored the Warthogs.
Our guide, the wise and all seeing Sevrini, was hip to the leopard bullshit.
He gauged it’s intentions were not pure and asked me, calmly, but sternly to lower the Jeeps canopy.
We were the ones being hunted! lol
Kubu Kubu was our last stop in Serengeti.
The camp was unbelievable.
On the first night we were chaperoned to our tent by a Masai warrior.
He pointed out that only fifty yards and thin canvas tenting separated us from a pair of Hyenas.
Most would consider this risk ‘dangerous’ and ‘unnecessary’, but I’ve dealt with Labor Contractors for so long that Hyena’s are a rare and welcome guest.
Our last day at Kubu Kubu was epic. We started the day at 4AM and took game drive to the Seronera airport. A hippo blocked our path for the better part of ten minutes as he shuffled back to hydration.
At 6AM we boarded a hot air balloon with Nigerian and Spanish Honeymooners. Watching the sunrise from fifteen hundred feet gave a totally different perspective of the plains.
Hippo tracks crisscross the terrain like arteries. From elevation we spotted hyena, lion, giraffe, and elephant.
After ballooning, we returned to camp, worked out, relaxed, recharged, and then took off on our last game drive.
The animals, unaware it’s COVID, were in full form.
We motored parallel to the Seronera River, passing throngs of lion, elephant and giraffe. Eventually, we stumbled upon a pair of Cheetahs, lazily lunching on a fresh Wildebeest kill. Their faces were blood red and stomachs pregnant with murder.
Vultures circled.
Within minutes a cackle of Hyena’s arrived and scavenged the Cheetah kill. Appetites sated, the Cheetah’s didn’t really fight back.
The fastest mammal on earth just slinked off and fell asleep a hundred meters from the scene of the crime.
Seeing the Cheetah rounded out the Big 5 for Lolo and I. We were happy and fulfilled with our decision to travel to Tanzania. Returning to camp, we spotted another giant leopard in a tree, but I was too fired up to really take him in.
Minutes later, putting along the Seronera we came across two lionesses that had just taken down a Zebra and left it untouched.
Waiting for their cubs and a large male to feast first, the lioness’s were protecting the former Zebra from concentric circles of Hyena and Vulture that orbited the Lion Kill.
It was a gruesome scene.
The kill was so brutal Nature is Metal’s Instagram shared my post.
Normally, I’m squeamish about this kind of stuff. I look away during Grey’s Anatomy surgeries. I just can’t watch. Here I was filled with adrenaline. It’s a weird kind of thrill that words fail.
A big take away from the trip was thinking about myself as part of the food chain. The part I play in the Ecosystem. I asked myself questions like, Who am I? Predator? Prey? Scavenger? Bottom Feeder? All four? None?
I started thinking about my emotions as natural defense mechanisms that are part of nature.
That being said, the biggest take away from the Honeymoon, hands down, was getting to spend so much time with my wife
Despite all the intense poverty we witnessed, the only person I felt truly sorry for was seeing an older lady, all alone on Safari. We saw her at multiple camps, and I thought to myself how heartbreaking it must be to be alone in this magical place.
Also we were lucky enough to be uninterrupted by our screens.
Technological development outpaces our biological development, which is likely the source of our unease as humans today.
This is why I hate they idea of WIFI in Safari Jeeps.
I write this on a MacBook while listening on to Neomi on AirPods. Hypocrisy! I know.
*******
I left out a ton about our trip. Kilamanjaro. Manyara lions. Tarangire elephants. Coffee Farms. The Oldvai Gorge, which is the birthplace of man.
We got to dine next to some high-level diplomats who will remain nameless. Normally I’d name drop, but I’m positive they don’t want to be associated with some dipshit blabber mouth.
Moral of the story?
Tanzania is Metal.
I think you should go.