I hate feigned ignorance.
It drives me up a wall.
I’ll admit that the Robert Greene Law of “Always seeming dumber than your mark” is a Law of Power because it works.
But I still hate it.
Perhaps, I hate feigned stupidity because most the time I’m the mark in the equation.
Or maybe it’s because I can’t relate.
I’ve never played dumb.
Ever.
Real stupidity comes so naturally to me, with so much ease, I’ve never intentionally had to seem dumb.
This is a major life hack.
If the cherry business has taught me anything, it’s that A Students teach and B students work for the C students.
I barely graduated from a State School with a 2.99 GPA.
Just under the tag I guess….
…….
Farmers say “light crops get lighter.’ They also say “big crops get bigger.”
After enduring the 2023 harvest, I think it’s fair to say “weird crops get weirder.”
Don’t get me wrong, we had a bumper crop and record year, but 2022’s warm summer and torrential winter threw California’s normal ripening patterns into disarray. The state’s cherry crop pulled a Paul Wilson and didn’t mature as expected….Ba dum ching.
Despite these trials and tribulations, company morale is high.
Six shifts. Balls to the wall for thirty days.
There were days when I felt like I was giving a pregnant woman The Heimlich(i.e… wondering if I’m doing more harm than good) and other days when I felt like a Jedi.
Either way, the experience is valuable and I feel like I’m still learning.
Case in point:
This season I learned that a cherry pit when placed between between thumb and forefinger and squeezed with the proper amount of force becomes a highly persausive projectile.
When attempting to “influence people”, as my fellow Linden Italians say, pointing a loaded pit at someone can do wonders for negotiation.
I say fellow Linden Italians, because I am a LINDEN ITALIAN now….
(applause break)….
But that’s a different story for a different day.
*****
The highlight of my 2023 harvest had nothing to do with Cherries.
My harvest highlight was convincing my Dad of a Fake News Story.
I told him San Francisco’s Mayor London Breed was subjecting all women’s restrooms within the city limits to installing mandatory stand up urinals to accommodate “Women” who haven’t gone through the cluster cutter if you know what I’m saying.
The best part of having a FoxNews Dad is that although this story was totally fabricated and imagined, he ran with it. No fact checking necessary. His Boomer soul aflame, he told everyone within earshot of the outrage because like all good lies, it was just believable enough to be true.
This speaks to the Wokeness of our society more than my Dad’s gullibility. After a day or so of allowing him to disseminate my story, I felt guilty and told him the truth. Let’s just say the trust in our relationship remains fractured.
He should know I love having a FoxNews Dad. As Shane Gillis rightfully points out, a FoxNews Dad is preferable to the alternative…. An MSNBC Dad! Who wants an MSNBC Dad?
Not me.
I definitely don’t want to become an MSNBC Dad.
This week, I celebrate my first Father’s Day(In Utero) and hope to bless my son with sermons about the ills of the DemonRats.
I’ll preach, “You know son, Tucker Carlson is starting to make a whole lotta sense.”
Whoa! We’re veering wildly off track. This compound tangent has mushroomed into something totally unmanageable.
If you are still reading, you must be asking yourself “Paul, why are you writing this? Do you have a point?”
Stupid Question, but I’ll forgive the feigned ignorance one last time.
My point is if you haven’t bought Dad a Father’s Day gift, don’t make up some fake story about urinals in women’s restrooms like I did.
Buy Dad Fresh Cherries on Amazon!
The team is rocking 24/7 to bring these bad boys to market and I promise you they’re delicious.
At the very least, you’ll have cherry pits to “influence” family or friends.
Don’t wait!
Order before high noon Wednesday and the fruit will arrive before Father’s Day.