Don’t tell my wife.
But last week, I conducted an accidental clinical trial..
Using the Scientific Method, here are my findings:
Question: If a Yorkie ingests a coffee bean, how long will it go berserk with dog zoomies?
(Dog Zoomies are the technical term for Frenetic Random Activity Periods (FRAPs), those unmistakable explosions of energy that dogs have on occasion)
Hypothesis: If a 7-lb Yorkie ingests a coffee bean it will go berserk with dog zoomies for 15 minutes, then a 2-lb Yorkie will go berserk with dog zoomies for 45 minutes.
Results: The 7-lb male Yorkie humped a couch cushion and fell asleep. The 2-lb female Yorkie went berserk with Dog Zoomies for 3 hours, then kept me up half the night by digging an imaginary tunnel through our comforter.
Conclusion: Don’t give Yorkie’s coffee beans.
***************
I know what your thinking.
How could you be such an irresponsible dogfather? Should I call Animal control?
Perhaps.
But those aren’t question’s you should be asking.You ought to ask,
“How did you buy a 2lb Yorkie?”
I asked myself the same thing, when I found myself deep in the heart of a Stockton Favela unarmed in a Prius C, just to put a down payment on a 4-ounce puppy.
She’s a pure bred, but the breeder’s home was so ghetto, I felt like we rescued her.
Six weeks later, we brought her home. She took to livable, lovable Lodi smoothly, but stayed true to her Stockton roots. Biting Winston’s ankles, gnawing on his mustache, Stockton slapping him, pouncing on him while sleeping…. etc.
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Lolo and I fell in love instantly.
Winston? He’s petrified.
Chief of the naming committee, Lolo named her Remington.
Which is apropos because Remi has the authority of a Remington 12-gauge, the fighting skills of Remi Bonjasky and the hunting abilities of Remi Warren. The name fits.
After three months, her hair was so long and mangled that burrs, sticks and various undergarments got stuck in her hair. We knew her hair was protecting us from an uncomfortable truth we were too scared to confront.
All it took was one trip to the groomer to reveal a kitten sized dog and the truth.
We didn’t just buy the runt of the litter in a litter of runts.
We bought a Teacup Yorkie.
This would concern me, but upon further investigation (Reddit) I learned that there is no such thing as a Teacup Yorkie. Only progressively smaller and smaller Yorkies.
Which means that there are no Teacup Wilsons either. Only progressively smaller and smaller Wilsons.
The effect Remi has on women is shocking.
Normally, my 2 year old niece Ellie shuns me. Her only words to me have been “No” and “Bye. ” She refuses to learn my name. When introduced to Remi, niece Ellie, accepted me with open arms
I brought Remi to last weeks Farmer’s Market and left lamenting how my short-lived my single life would’ve been, had I had the foresight to buy a small dog in my twenties.
The only downside to owning Remi is that when we just moved a place in the country where raptors, snakes, labor contractors and coyotes are known quantities.
But all problems have solutions.
Stay tuned.